I'm a new mom here, fairly new. New enough to where I still find myself constantly searching google about every little thing.....what color is normal for baby boogers....what does yellow baby poop mean.....fast breathing, slow breathing....hair on babies legs....all the usual good stuff, ya know. But I am broke in enough to this thing called motherhood that I find myself cursing time, already.
My twin boys are 6 & 1/2 months old already, with an adjusted age of 4 & 1/2 months, since they were born two months early. So that means developmentally they are more in line with a 4.5 month old compared to a 6.5 month old.
I CAN NOT BELIEVE I HAVE 6 MONTH OLDS! Honestly, I feel like it was just yesterday they were giving me the horendous news "We are taking your babies out first thing tomorrow morning, if we don't it's likely baby A (Townes) won't survive". And here we are 6 months later....healthy as can be and wild as sin.
I find myself wishing things away, such as all the middle of the night feedings. In the moment i'm so groggy & exhausted & grumpy and want nothing more then to be sleeping, and constantly find myself thinking, 'I can not wait for these boys to sleep through the night.' But once i finally get up & stumble my way over to their bassinets & see the way their faces go from yelling, to a smile that could light up the brightest of arenas, all those thoughts dissipate into mid air. It's ridiculous how much these little people love me, these little men could care less if i was having an off day, was grumpy, not on my best level, didn't wash the dishes, or my hair, no matter how bad i could be doing at mothering that day, they could care less, when they see me instant happiness takes over their little bodies, and in return completely melts mine. They literally think I hung the moon.
I hate that I wish these things away, I already curse the day that they turn 18 and move away. I am in a constant battle with myself of wanting them to be older to be walking and crawling & talking & all the "good things" people tell me are coming my way. But on the other hand I already cry over the thoughts of how big they already are. They are getting so big that instead of just being able to sit & rock them all day, they are constantly squirming & wiggling all over the place when i try to snuggle them, they want to be standing & bouncing, and 'riding the pony' also known as my bouncing knees, they no longer just want to sit & snuggle and fall asleep on my chest anymore. 6 months, I thought 'for sure I would have these cuddle bugs for years to come, that all these boys would want to do all day is snuggle their mama', boy was i wrong, that time went by before i had the chance to blink.
Time i curse you.
To think that this is just the beginning of things that will disappear before i have the chance to realize how good it is in this very moment has my eyes filling with tears. This post is a friendly reminder to myself, my mom self, and to whoever else out there wants it, that time will come and go. Whether we want it to or not it's coming, and going....before you know it. So instead of wishing for things to come or thing to go away, enjoy them, learn from them, take every little moment of these little things in, & live for them. Just live in the moment. And live for yourself and these babies. Time goes to quick, one day you'll wake up & it will be towards the end, and you'll be daydreaming of these days of no sleep, & heavy eyes.
